Twitter-Pated!

I agree, Spring is definatly the season of love. The season where more couples get together than all the other months put together of the school year. Even the most cynical of gruff 3rd years have found their "other half".

Me, I've found my spring love too. Even though I've struggled through bad choices and mistaken loves throughout the year, I'm drifting around on top of the world. I'm in love with God, and the calling he's placed on my life. After stumbling around, God's pulled me up out of the darkness and is teaching me and showing me things that I never thought I would see or learn.

My only regret is that this all had to happen so late in the year, however, I refuse to let this regret hold me back from such a marvelous life that God has for me.

I'll admit, there are some dark spots in this new life, but God's promised us that he is our refuge in times of trouble and even He will work in the trouble times. Recently I've been finding myself purely worshiping God during prayer meetings, even the most serious of cries for help and protection, because I can't come before Him with out being overwhelmed by his glory and majesty. I look at Him, and there's an All-Powerful, All-Knowing, All-Existing God who is beautiful beyond words or ideas, yet he loves us as he is beautiful, and cares for us so much that he makes his throne in each of us and exists and moves and speaks in our specific lives and our fellowship.

I know God is preparing me for some hard work this summer, and the remainder of the school year. He's pushing me further and further out of my comfort zone, and filling me more and more with his love and promises and the desire to know Him and Him ONLY.

Guys, I probably sound absolutely madly obsessed and enthralled. Thing is, I totally am. I'm madly in love, obsessed with his truth, enthralled by his beauty. I wish I could accurately tell you what's in my mind right now, but human language is so inadequate, and even then, i doubt it would make sense. Everyone has their own specially chosen path to follow before they can understand perhaps what I'm feeling and understanding.

Glory and Honour be to the God Most High. Praise Adonai.
Amen

Marriage Question?

Heads up: This is not about me. Just so you guys dont get your false hopes up ;)

I really want to know everyone's perspective on this:
Should people know, or have a good idea of where they're going before they begin thinking or pursuing other life decisions like marriage or even a very serious relationship?

My thing is, I'm seeing people find their someone special, but at the same time, they have no idea what they're going to do even the next year. For the most part, their attitudes have changed for the worst, reflecting the heightened stress on their life now that they're looking at marriage in a couple years, and dont even know what they're to do.

Let me know!

2 people, 2 views, 1 Creator

I wanted to share this with everyone. This is an email I sent to one of my very good friends here.

'Just recently I realized that for a long time this semester, I had fallen into a rut where I neglected to realize where or who I was focusing my efforts on. I was gratifying my own thoughts and such. So as part of my realization I asked God to remind me to keep my constant focus on Him.

Well, the night I went on that walk, I was tired of homework, didnt want to really be with people, or do anything, and I felt this small call to go for a walk, it was so small, I, at first, thought it was just an idea. So I left for the walk. I walked down toward the elementary school, and about halfway there, i began feeling that Jesus was walking right with me.

He gave me some confirmation in a small but very satisfying gift. As I turned to walk down the street leading into the elementary schools parking lot, I saw 3 girls, about grade 5, walking down the street toward me. To my delight, I recognized them as three girls from my Sunday school class and lunch time supervision, one of them being the "Queen" troublemaker at church. This girl surprised me by calling out to me and initiating a brief conversation with me. Its was such a confirmation that although she was such a pain in class, that I did actually mean something in her life. (Its so hard to describe just how much I love these kids each regardless of what they do...I just cant)

God continued to work with me. After I came back to grab a jacket, I went back out. It was as if Jesus said to me, "Lets try something. I'm gonna chose where we walk now. I'm not going to tell you, you're just going to have to pay close attention." So we spent the next while walking through the streets, sometimes taking really bizarre routes, last minute turns, and taking me the long way around some areas. I had an idea that I'd walk down the street where I saw the girls, but God had me avoid that street all together. We walked to the point, then back to the dorm. As a last direction, He told me to go through the back door, even though I could easily have gone through the main door.

As I reached the back door, I noticed that someone had gotten a fire going and was standing there alone. Curious, I went over to find out who it was and why the fire. When I walked up, the last direct message I got from my walking buddy (Jesus) was, "Talk to him."

Turns out, the someone was Vince, a high school kid from Whit 3. Such an incredible kid. It was kind of awkward at first, because neither he or I had seen each other, and the way he talked about the fire (how I started the conversation) was a bit wierd.

We stood out there by the dying fire talking about various stuff, but kept coming back to the fire. This guy has such a fascination with fire, its properties, power, and mysteries. As I type this, I can think of a whole bunch of "object lessons" and christian discussions I could have used this subject to bridge to, but at the moment, I didnt think of it. The cool part was where we both marveled at the mysterious power of fire, how it was so...with out physical form, yet extremely powerful.

This young man, who was brought up with not-christian habits and slangs, who probably built more fires than I've read my bible, or done devotions, effectively silenced me, marveling at the beauty and glory of God in this simple fire. We were looking at the same fire, but one was marveling at the flames and heat, the other was marveling at the creator.

I got two things out of this, a connection with this young man, and a reverence for God. God is SO GOOD!'

Bed time for me.

On being a 5th wheel

If theres one thing worse than being a 3rd wheel (that is going somewhere with a bf/gf couple), its being a 3rd wheel to TWO couples.
I've never been so bored and ticked off. I made a couple attempts to attach myself to one of the two groups, but received messages that I just did not fit in. The second attempt was initiated by the only other male and his girlfriend, and it helped me feel better to know that at least someone knew how I was feeling. That I had no girlfriend to drag me around and that there were minimal guy focused stores in this mall. I felt better, that is, untill I became no one again. I thought I had seen the end of this already!
Following around the two for a bit I quickly realized 2 things: 1. Their invitation was merely polite and possibly out of pity, and 2. No matter how virtuous the intent was, I was doomed to be the 3rd wheel, the tag along, as some couples have eyes only for their mate. This plane was on its way down in the deathly spiral.
It makes me mad actually. I spend alot of time and energy doing what I love (or at least thought I did): being nice and showing my friends that I love them. And what do I get in return? Not alot. Whats the use? It seems that people will just forget about me, until they need something, or I'm the only one left.
Okay, so maybe I'm more hurt than mad. Could this be what we do to Christ who loves us so much? The one who gives of himself out of love? Do we accept his love and gifts, use them, then completely forget him until we need him again? I know I've done this, but now that I've been on the receiving end, I sure hope I don't ever do this again. I'd rather be beaten senseless than used and neglected. It hurts more.

A rant: So very sorry

I know its been forever since I've updated this blog and then to come back with a rant isnt really fair for all of you, but I really gotta get this off of my chest.

If I was new to relationships, with no previous experiences or examples of them, I would honestly be turned off of relationships after seeing how a couple of my friends did things in theirs. I love being his friend and I love being her friend, but really really dont like being "THEIR" friend.

Apart from each other, they're such amazing people, loving, caring, respectful, and considerate. People I would trust my life with. But some how, the moment they get close, no one else exists and those that do enter their world is an immediate threat to their "utopia".

I love them so much and really do want to see this relationship work, but right now the way it seems to be going, I hate it (the relationship). Every time I think about it, I feel like I'm groping around in a murky pond with a film of selfishness (or non-selflessness).

I'm not saying that I know how a relationship should go. I mean I have an idea how I want mine to work, but no matter how I think about it or look at it, I get this feeling that something needs to change. Let me correct myself, I KNOW that something needs to change or stop. I've been on a road very similar to this one and know whats at the end of the road.

There seems to be alot of fear on his part (I spend more time with him than her) that this perfect girl will be ripped from his hands. Of course its hard to see through the disguises and mask. Any time there was a threat of change, removal, or end, it felt like 300 foot walls were put up 100 thick.

I hate seeing this! The anxiety, fear, pain. I hate that I may have to be the bad guy to my very good friends. I know that apart from the tangled web of this relationship they both care for me and respect me very much and wouldn't hate me forever. However, its the initial feelings I'm afraid of. As much as I try not to put any currency on what others think of me and how much they like me, Its so hard to love someone so much that they push you away. All I can do otherwise is pray my heart out to my Saviour and let him take it.

"Him" and "Her", if you guys do happen to read this and know who I'm talking about, I'm very sorry you guys had to find out about how I feel this way. I assure you that I have no slanderous intent and I have been fully honest in everything. I do love you guys.

I'm so sorry if this is disjointed and confusing, I had to take a cool down period before I wrote this and so I'm trying to remember, organize and feel everything and put it all in this horridly inadequate human language.

In Christ's Love,

Dan

Irony or all part of God's Plan?: My Life in a glimpse!

Sometimes I have to laugh at my life. I honestly could not think of it going any other way. But seriously, there are some things in my life that are quite unbelievable. People that know me now refuse to believe what people who knew me then knew.

I started out unlike other kindergarteners, I always had issues with umm... bathroom and the use thereof and so calls home for new shorts were not unheard of. My mother says that I was almost held back from Grade 1 as well. My social skills were not were they should have been, she says.
But when I made it to Grade 1, I like to think that I was more normal, except that I had few friends except for the "outcasts." I remember Michael, I don't think I ever knew what his condition was, but I seem to remember that he might have had a mental disability. Memories of my impromptu birthday visit to the fire station for a tour. All Michael wanted was to meet the fire chief. Not the trucks or the hoses or radio rooms that little boys like me would have given his favourite toy to see. (Yes, My dad kicks behind! He was the one who wrangled this!)

I think I'm proof that God has a sense of humour. Look at my older sister as a baby: Quiet, sleeps through the night, all around good kid. Every new parents dream. Enter the delinquent. I was quite the opposite. Up all night, eatting, getting into EVERYTHING that was and wasnt tied down, and all around being a very hyperactive child that led my parents to hang signs around my neck pleading that none feed me anything that would give me energy. (Mom and Dad can tell you stories, just not the ones where I was naked please!) God must have been laughing his pants off when Mom and Dad met me. (Does God have pants?)

Fast forward to grade six. I still probably hadn't developed the social skills they were hoping I'd develop in Kindergarten. ADD was pretty rampant then. I spent much of my time out of the classroom and in the Learning Assistance room with one other girl and her aide. I think this was probably not so good for my social skills, but amazing for my academic marks. (It was also this year that I killed my teachers fish by naming them). I digress. This girl was Kelsey, an ever smiling, laughing, fun loving soul that I was very privileged to become friends with. She had epilepsy and was quite prone to seizures of various degrees and as a result of these and intensive childhood testings, she fell behind her age level in school. But here again, I seem to find myself befriending the social outcasts. Infact, another example was JD. I miss that guy. Didnt have alot of friends, and even though he was in grade 7 (which scared the socks off me initially) he and I were often found together.

You can probably see God's plan so far here. Here's this socially behind kid, who prefers to shun and distrust the main group of kids to his very few and limited friendships with social outcasts. Right through till middle of high school I fully expected to live the rest of my life like this and was definitely ready to embrace it full on. But then God started to change me.

I began to take an interest in the techies at chapel. They always seemed to have the cool job, with cool toys and such. And so I began learning the art of Audio. And as I began working more and more in this area, God gifted me in it and I began learning how to interact with people. Not to build myself a pedestal, but I began to be in high demand as I branched out into lighing and AV troubleshooting. Obviously, I'm getting TONS of practice interacting with people now.

But it was never until grade 12 that my underlying mistrust of many of the "popular" or "cool" kids was pushed aside and I began embracing the social majority. I don't remember the exact turning point in that year, but at one point, I had had enough of hiding, I wanted this year to be a year that i could say that I had fun with everyone. I know people noticed this, but still knew me as the "kid who didn't talk" or "techie" or other terms that likened to those who belonged to the outcast group.

Thanks goes to Dwayne Schulz, my Christian Perspectives teacher who challenged my class to share 3 life lessons in front of the whole class. At first I hated him. I was always afraid of public speaking and was able to talk my teachers into letting me do a one on one presentation. Not Dwayne. I didn't even have a choice to do it or not. So at the end of the year, my turn came and my heart is racing 700 times a second. I'm still surprised that no one could see me convulse every single time my heart beat. But I sat down on the desktop and put my feet on the chair (that was the only comfortable way to sit on those horrid one piece desks.) I talked about my first 2 life lessons, I can't remember what they were though, and it went well. Then I came to number three. Don't judge someone by what they look like or how they talk, etc. And to illustrate, My first words went something like this: "Most of you know me as this kind of person, quiet, pensive, and nice. But you guys haven't ever been able to meet this side of me" - at this point, I jumped up on the desk and yelled (well, it was more of a quiet yell) - "THE SIDE THAT IS CRAZY, RANDOM, FUNLOVING, AND MISCHEVIOUS!" I think I scared them. I mean beyond frightened or surprised, but as my teacher put it: "Daniel, Please don't Yell. Just sit down!"

I think from that point on I decided to bring these two sides of me together: the one quiet outcast geek side, and the loud, outgoing, friendly guy side. As a youth leader I developed a few more friendships with the younger youth and then the childrens workers as the years grew on. Getting my first job boosted my social skills quite a bit. Finally, when I decided to work at a call centre, I think I finally learned how people work.

Now skip a bit to the not to distant past before I went to bible college. NO ONE believed me that I was once a quiet little kid that rarely had friends. My manager once commented that she couldnt get me to stop talking! At this point I'm making friends right and left because the person that the two sides became was a very laidback, easy going, friendly and outgoing guy that everyone seemed to love.

You know My mother said it right and I hope that my friends don't take offense to this, "He has way too many friends." (http://http://runningwithsharpsticks.blogspot.com/2007/01/cruising-altitude.html -- Middle of third paragraph from the top). I'm sitting here stressed out of my mind because I come home for 3 weeks, and all of a sudden, every friend I've made decides to get in touch with me and wants a slice of Dan. Unfortunately, Dan needs a few slices to himself AND the fact that there's only 3 weeks makes the pie even smaller. So in the end, close friends were denied their pie, work ate up much of the pie, and only family and close close close friends and Dan were able to lick the crumbs out of the pan. Perhaps I'll blog about this further, but to avoid further distractions I must conclude.

Sure its ironic that I'm having huge problems balancing all my friends, when i had a hard time just interacting with people initially, but the more I think about it, I become more sure that its God's plan. God started out with a socially blank boy and planted a special sort of compassion that caused him to spend his energies with those who were not wanted. Then He began to build other qualities in like social courage, friendliness, and other things that made him relate more to everyone else. Now this once socially blank boy is now in college, hoping to work with outcasts like himself. I honestly cant see this going any other way. I would not be as effective working with inner city kids and less privileged kids had I never learned how to socially interact with people. Nor would I have cared about these kids had I been socially endowed before I learned to value those who are rejected. I'm sure I could write on and on about this, but I know my point is made. I am a wierd, crazy, eccentric, friendly, loving, and caring outcast of a friend who desires nothing more than to let people know that at least one person loves them. I am Daniel. I am who God created me to be and desires me to be and nothing more or less.