Heads up: This is not about me. Just so you guys dont get your false hopes up ;)
I really want to know everyone's perspective on this:
Should people know, or have a good idea of where they're going before they begin thinking or pursuing other life decisions like marriage or even a very serious relationship?
My thing is, I'm seeing people find their someone special, but at the same time, they have no idea what they're going to do even the next year. For the most part, their attitudes have changed for the worst, reflecting the heightened stress on their life now that they're looking at marriage in a couple years, and dont even know what they're to do.
Let me know!
Sunday, March 25, 2007
2 people, 2 views, 1 Creator
I wanted to share this with everyone. This is an email I sent to one of my very good friends here.
Bed time for me.
'Just recently I realized that for a long time this semester, I had fallen into a rut where I neglected to realize where or who I was focusing my efforts on. I was gratifying my own thoughts and such. So as part of my realization I asked God to remind me to keep my constant focus on Him.
Well, the night I went on that walk, I was tired of homework, didnt want to really be with people, or do anything, and I felt this small call to go for a walk, it was so small, I, at first, thought it was just an idea. So I left for the walk. I walked down toward the elementary school, and about halfway there, i began feeling that Jesus was walking right with me.
He gave me some confirmation in a small but very satisfying gift. As I turned to walk down the street leading into the elementary schools parking lot, I saw 3 girls, about grade 5, walking down the street toward me. To my delight, I recognized them as three girls from my Sunday school class and lunch time supervision, one of them being the "Queen" troublemaker at church. This girl surprised me by calling out to me and initiating a brief conversation with me. Its was such a confirmation that although she was such a pain in class, that I did actually mean something in her life. (Its so hard to describe just how much I love these kids each regardless of what they do...I just cant)
God continued to work with me. After I came back to grab a jacket, I went back out. It was as if Jesus said to me, "Lets try something. I'm gonna chose where we walk now. I'm not going to tell you, you're just going to have to pay close attention." So we spent the next while walking through the streets, sometimes taking really bizarre routes, last minute turns, and taking me the long way around some areas. I had an idea that I'd walk down the street where I saw the girls, but God had me avoid that street all together. We walked to the point, then back to the dorm. As a last direction, He told me to go through the back door, even though I could easily have gone through the main door.
As I reached the back door, I noticed that someone had gotten a fire going and was standing there alone. Curious, I went over to find out who it was and why the fire. When I walked up, the last direct message I got from my walking buddy (Jesus) was, "Talk to him."
Turns out, the someone was Vince, a high school kid from Whit 3. Such an incredible kid. It was kind of awkward at first, because neither he or I had seen each other, and the way he talked about the fire (how I started the conversation) was a bit wierd.
We stood out there by the dying fire talking about various stuff, but kept coming back to the fire. This guy has such a fascination with fire, its properties, power, and mysteries. As I type this, I can think of a whole bunch of "object lessons" and christian discussions I could have used this subject to bridge to, but at the moment, I didnt think of it. The cool part was where we both marveled at the mysterious power of fire, how it was so...with out physical form, yet extremely powerful.
This young man, who was brought up with not-christian habits and slangs, who probably built more fires than I've read my bible, or done devotions, effectively silenced me, marveling at the beauty and glory of God in this simple fire. We were looking at the same fire, but one was marveling at the flames and heat, the other was marveling at the creator.
I got two things out of this, a connection with this young man, and a reverence for God. God is SO GOOD!'
Bed time for me.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Them Old Days Never Die
I made a mistake.
I've been swamped with homework and so I've been shutting myself away from society in the library just to get papers in on time. I've also been downing my prescribed medication to help me focus better. This smallish pill is a stimulant that works for 4 and 8 hours depending on which one of 2 I take.
In my determination, stress, and focus I grabbed the bottle I normally grab for long homework stretches, the 8 hour one. Unfortunately to me, I forgot to take into account that this was a FOUR hour stretch with bedtime occurring immediately after.
Well, a stimulant does its wonder by, you guessed it, stimulating the brain to focus on the task at hand. In essence, the brain works more efficiently. By the time bed came around, my brain was in 5th gear and just about every possible thought probably went through my head.
Meanwhile, my poor exhausted body is just crying out for sleep and my sensible brain is telling me that I have to sleep as I would be waking up early. Unfortunately, no one told my brain that sleep required it to shut up!
At about 3am I got up to find out why there were shouts of "Roman Candle", "at my window", "shaving cream", and the like. After counter-pranks were plotted and carried out, I felt my body screaming for sleep and thought maybe I'll just crash. Besides, my meds should have been running out by then.
For another hour, I tossed and turned, as sleep crept ever so slowly toward me. Finally, out of sheer desperate need and last resort, I did something that I haven't done in years. Something that almost always helped me fall asleep at night.
Yup. I admit. I grabbed Hobs (my child hood teddy bear) curled up with him close to my chest. Funny, He seemed alot bigger last time. But it worked. It calmed my frustration at not being able to sleep, and got me that much more comfortable.
I guess we never do grow up. We just get big.
I've been swamped with homework and so I've been shutting myself away from society in the library just to get papers in on time. I've also been downing my prescribed medication to help me focus better. This smallish pill is a stimulant that works for 4 and 8 hours depending on which one of 2 I take.
In my determination, stress, and focus I grabbed the bottle I normally grab for long homework stretches, the 8 hour one. Unfortunately to me, I forgot to take into account that this was a FOUR hour stretch with bedtime occurring immediately after.
Well, a stimulant does its wonder by, you guessed it, stimulating the brain to focus on the task at hand. In essence, the brain works more efficiently. By the time bed came around, my brain was in 5th gear and just about every possible thought probably went through my head.
Meanwhile, my poor exhausted body is just crying out for sleep and my sensible brain is telling me that I have to sleep as I would be waking up early. Unfortunately, no one told my brain that sleep required it to shut up!
At about 3am I got up to find out why there were shouts of "Roman Candle", "at my window", "shaving cream", and the like. After counter-pranks were plotted and carried out, I felt my body screaming for sleep and thought maybe I'll just crash. Besides, my meds should have been running out by then.
For another hour, I tossed and turned, as sleep crept ever so slowly toward me. Finally, out of sheer desperate need and last resort, I did something that I haven't done in years. Something that almost always helped me fall asleep at night.
Yup. I admit. I grabbed Hobs (my child hood teddy bear) curled up with him close to my chest. Funny, He seemed alot bigger last time. But it worked. It calmed my frustration at not being able to sleep, and got me that much more comfortable.
I guess we never do grow up. We just get big.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Meet Jazzy
So I dont know who's seen my newest little sister...So here she is!
Isnt she the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? I just wanna hold her and squeeze her (not too tight tho). *sigh* i have to wait untill summer break.
Isnt she the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? I just wanna hold her and squeeze her (not too tight tho). *sigh* i have to wait untill summer break.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
On being a 5th wheel
If theres one thing worse than being a 3rd wheel (that is going somewhere with a bf/gf couple), its being a 3rd wheel to TWO couples.
I've never been so bored and ticked off. I made a couple attempts to attach myself to one of the two groups, but received messages that I just did not fit in. The second attempt was initiated by the only other male and his girlfriend, and it helped me feel better to know that at least someone knew how I was feeling. That I had no girlfriend to drag me around and that there were minimal guy focused stores in this mall. I felt better, that is, untill I became no one again. I thought I had seen the end of this already!
Following around the two for a bit I quickly realized 2 things: 1. Their invitation was merely polite and possibly out of pity, and 2. No matter how virtuous the intent was, I was doomed to be the 3rd wheel, the tag along, as some couples have eyes only for their mate. This plane was on its way down in the deathly spiral.
It makes me mad actually. I spend alot of time and energy doing what I love (or at least thought I did): being nice and showing my friends that I love them. And what do I get in return? Not alot. Whats the use? It seems that people will just forget about me, until they need something, or I'm the only one left.
Okay, so maybe I'm more hurt than mad. Could this be what we do to Christ who loves us so much? The one who gives of himself out of love? Do we accept his love and gifts, use them, then completely forget him until we need him again? I know I've done this, but now that I've been on the receiving end, I sure hope I don't ever do this again. I'd rather be beaten senseless than used and neglected. It hurts more.
I've never been so bored and ticked off. I made a couple attempts to attach myself to one of the two groups, but received messages that I just did not fit in. The second attempt was initiated by the only other male and his girlfriend, and it helped me feel better to know that at least someone knew how I was feeling. That I had no girlfriend to drag me around and that there were minimal guy focused stores in this mall. I felt better, that is, untill I became no one again. I thought I had seen the end of this already!
Following around the two for a bit I quickly realized 2 things: 1. Their invitation was merely polite and possibly out of pity, and 2. No matter how virtuous the intent was, I was doomed to be the 3rd wheel, the tag along, as some couples have eyes only for their mate. This plane was on its way down in the deathly spiral.
It makes me mad actually. I spend alot of time and energy doing what I love (or at least thought I did): being nice and showing my friends that I love them. And what do I get in return? Not alot. Whats the use? It seems that people will just forget about me, until they need something, or I'm the only one left.
Okay, so maybe I'm more hurt than mad. Could this be what we do to Christ who loves us so much? The one who gives of himself out of love? Do we accept his love and gifts, use them, then completely forget him until we need him again? I know I've done this, but now that I've been on the receiving end, I sure hope I don't ever do this again. I'd rather be beaten senseless than used and neglected. It hurts more.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
A rant: So very sorry
I know its been forever since I've updated this blog and then to come back with a rant isnt really fair for all of you, but I really gotta get this off of my chest.
If I was new to relationships, with no previous experiences or examples of them, I would honestly be turned off of relationships after seeing how a couple of my friends did things in theirs. I love being his friend and I love being her friend, but really really dont like being "THEIR" friend.
Apart from each other, they're such amazing people, loving, caring, respectful, and considerate. People I would trust my life with. But some how, the moment they get close, no one else exists and those that do enter their world is an immediate threat to their "utopia".
I love them so much and really do want to see this relationship work, but right now the way it seems to be going, I hate it (the relationship). Every time I think about it, I feel like I'm groping around in a murky pond with a film of selfishness (or non-selflessness).
I'm not saying that I know how a relationship should go. I mean I have an idea how I want mine to work, but no matter how I think about it or look at it, I get this feeling that something needs to change. Let me correct myself, I KNOW that something needs to change or stop. I've been on a road very similar to this one and know whats at the end of the road.
There seems to be alot of fear on his part (I spend more time with him than her) that this perfect girl will be ripped from his hands. Of course its hard to see through the disguises and mask. Any time there was a threat of change, removal, or end, it felt like 300 foot walls were put up 100 thick.
I hate seeing this! The anxiety, fear, pain. I hate that I may have to be the bad guy to my very good friends. I know that apart from the tangled web of this relationship they both care for me and respect me very much and wouldn't hate me forever. However, its the initial feelings I'm afraid of. As much as I try not to put any currency on what others think of me and how much they like me, Its so hard to love someone so much that they push you away. All I can do otherwise is pray my heart out to my Saviour and let him take it.
"Him" and "Her", if you guys do happen to read this and know who I'm talking about, I'm very sorry you guys had to find out about how I feel this way. I assure you that I have no slanderous intent and I have been fully honest in everything. I do love you guys.
I'm so sorry if this is disjointed and confusing, I had to take a cool down period before I wrote this and so I'm trying to remember, organize and feel everything and put it all in this horridly inadequate human language.
In Christ's Love,
Dan
If I was new to relationships, with no previous experiences or examples of them, I would honestly be turned off of relationships after seeing how a couple of my friends did things in theirs. I love being his friend and I love being her friend, but really really dont like being "THEIR" friend.
Apart from each other, they're such amazing people, loving, caring, respectful, and considerate. People I would trust my life with. But some how, the moment they get close, no one else exists and those that do enter their world is an immediate threat to their "utopia".
I love them so much and really do want to see this relationship work, but right now the way it seems to be going, I hate it (the relationship). Every time I think about it, I feel like I'm groping around in a murky pond with a film of selfishness (or non-selflessness).
I'm not saying that I know how a relationship should go. I mean I have an idea how I want mine to work, but no matter how I think about it or look at it, I get this feeling that something needs to change. Let me correct myself, I KNOW that something needs to change or stop. I've been on a road very similar to this one and know whats at the end of the road.
There seems to be alot of fear on his part (I spend more time with him than her) that this perfect girl will be ripped from his hands. Of course its hard to see through the disguises and mask. Any time there was a threat of change, removal, or end, it felt like 300 foot walls were put up 100 thick.
I hate seeing this! The anxiety, fear, pain. I hate that I may have to be the bad guy to my very good friends. I know that apart from the tangled web of this relationship they both care for me and respect me very much and wouldn't hate me forever. However, its the initial feelings I'm afraid of. As much as I try not to put any currency on what others think of me and how much they like me, Its so hard to love someone so much that they push you away. All I can do otherwise is pray my heart out to my Saviour and let him take it.
"Him" and "Her", if you guys do happen to read this and know who I'm talking about, I'm very sorry you guys had to find out about how I feel this way. I assure you that I have no slanderous intent and I have been fully honest in everything. I do love you guys.
I'm so sorry if this is disjointed and confusing, I had to take a cool down period before I wrote this and so I'm trying to remember, organize and feel everything and put it all in this horridly inadequate human language.
In Christ's Love,
Dan
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